1. “God have mercy –– ‘cause Dog will not.”
2. “I like the babies and the children, but the parents are kind of... [LONG PAUSE] I don’t know...
2. “I like the babies and the children, but the parents are kind of... [LONG PAUSE] I don’t know...
different. During your work everyone lies to you, Grandma lies to you even, so you kind of
think everyone’s a liar. It’s a good switch to get with the kids and you’re back into reality and
you realise everyone is not a liar and there is kindness and love in the world.”
[Holden Caulfield? No, Duane Chapman, at his stepdaughter’s school play.]
3. “I’m only five–seven. With the boots I’m five–ten.”
3. “I’m only five–seven. With the boots I’m five–ten.”
3a. “White male, five–eight, 175 pounds; big kid.”
4. [Highly emotional –– this after the death of his daughter:]
4. [Highly emotional –– this after the death of his daughter:]
“I have many children... and all these sons.”
5. “This turned out to be a quickie, this is a good way to start the day, it’s kind of like Wheaties, the breakfast of champions. Fugitives, the capture of champions. Taco Bell, south of the border; fugitives by order.”
5. “This turned out to be a quickie, this is a good way to start the day, it’s kind of like Wheaties, the breakfast of champions. Fugitives, the capture of champions. Taco Bell, south of the border; fugitives by order.”
[Nephew JUSTIN laughs nervously, “uh... huh... ha ha!” at this Dutch Schultz-like rap by his uncle. N.B., the arrest was made at Taco Bell.]
Two. Prayer, Scripture, &c.
6. “Lord, thank-you for the day, bless us as we go off full–blast!”
7. “As the Bible says, by their fruits shall ye know them. In this world, by ‘fruits’ we mean
6. “Lord, thank-you for the day, bless us as we go off full–blast!”
7. “As the Bible says, by their fruits shall ye know them. In this world, by ‘fruits’ we mean
record.”
8. “Okay Dear Lord here we go again.”
9. “As I like to say, I’m marrying my common-law wife... [makes sign of the cross]... the
8. “Okay Dear Lord here we go again.”
9. “As I like to say, I’m marrying my common-law wife... [makes sign of the cross]... the
Christian way.”
10. On one occasion Dog said “Aloha” when he meant to say “Amen.”
11. The potential danger on this is high. What if he’s ‘high,’ doesn’t want to go and he’s got a gun? But the closer we get to the guy, the more we turn into kinda like robots on a mission from God.”
10. On one occasion Dog said “Aloha” when he meant to say “Amen.”
11. The potential danger on this is high. What if he’s ‘high,’ doesn’t want to go and he’s got a gun? But the closer we get to the guy, the more we turn into kinda like robots on a mission from God.”
Three. Detective Field Gleanings, Lore and Insight.
12. I just want to stand in the same area that he [the perp] stands in all the time... Why, I don’t
know.”
13. I like it when the plan comes together that you didn’t plan.”
14. “Let’s look at his trailer and see if he’s got a flag and stuff out. [Pause; laughs.] That’s
13. I like it when the plan comes together that you didn’t plan.”
14. “Let’s look at his trailer and see if he’s got a flag and stuff out. [Pause; laughs.] That’s
terrible. If you got a flag you own a gun.”
[A minute later: “There’s a flag in the yard!”]
15. “I remember the day girls started getting tattoos, me and Youngblood celebrated. Once girls started getting tattoos, they fell right in the category with the guys: easier to find.”
15. “I remember the day girls started getting tattoos, me and Youngblood celebrated. Once girls started getting tattoos, they fell right in the category with the guys: easier to find.”
Four. Dog’s Socio-Cultural Sensitivity.
16. “Walter should be on medication if he doesn’t straighten up... he needs twenty-four hour monitoring. In Hawaii they call it ‘light in the mind’.”
17. Dog and the team were running after one perp who they thought he was their quarry. When
16. “Walter should be on medication if he doesn’t straighten up... he needs twenty-four hour monitoring. In Hawaii they call it ‘light in the mind’.”
17. Dog and the team were running after one perp who they thought he was their quarry. When
they caught up to him they determined –– after some considerable debate –– that he was not
“their man”. But still they asked him repeatedly, brandishing the perp’s mugshot, “Do you
know him, brah?”
As if to say, you look like him, so surely you must know him.
An interesting fallacy, I think you will agree.
Five. Dog As Seen By Others.
18. “Yeah, Duane has weird instincts.” YOUNGBLOOD
19. “Looks like Dad’s gonna fold like a cheap tent once again.” DUANE LEE.
18. “Yeah, Duane has weird instincts.” YOUNGBLOOD
19. “Looks like Dad’s gonna fold like a cheap tent once again.” DUANE LEE.
20. “You look up the word ‘whipped’ in the dictionary you see a picture of my dad.” LELAND
Six. Kinfolk.
21. “This is a normal typical day in a Chapman’s life. There’s always drama, excitement,
21. “This is a normal typical day in a Chapman’s life. There’s always drama, excitement,
triumph... and Beth."
22. [Dog, being upbraided at length by Beth:] "Beth is tired I think."
23. Beth puts on a special accent when she addresses the “natives”: “Seestah...”
24. ANNA (A.K.A. “IRENE”): I haven’t gone into probation. They haven’t said nothin’. I got tired
22. [Dog, being upbraided at length by Beth:] "Beth is tired I think."
23. Beth puts on a special accent when she addresses the “natives”: “Seestah...”
24. ANNA (A.K.A. “IRENE”): I haven’t gone into probation. They haven’t said nothin’. I got tired
of going. You don’t know why.
BETH: I spent six months in Jefferson County Jail. Don’t sit here and tell me I don’t know
’cause I do.
25. “No, I don’t think today’s hunt really... we didn’t get into the secret life of Leland because it’s such a secret life. I mean we’re trying to pull stuff out like, ‘Where were you?’ and all I got was, ‘I was in the bathroom...’”
25. “No, I don’t think today’s hunt really... we didn’t get into the secret life of Leland because it’s such a secret life. I mean we’re trying to pull stuff out like, ‘Where were you?’ and all I got was, ‘I was in the bathroom...’”
[LELAND: I don’t know what he’s talkin’ about. There’s no secret life.”]
Seven. Vacuum Cleaners.
26. [To perp on the backseat, after Dog used a vacuum-cleaner-themed ruse to capture him.]
“I used to sell Kirbys! You’re like, ‘I don’t want to hear that word Kirby again in my life!,
right? ‘I’m going to use a Hoover!’”
27. “It’s fun to fix the vacuum and make it work and watch it pick up the dirt. That sounds
stupid, but I like that.”
Eight. Human Mortality and Frailty.
28. [To a low-down undernourished perp perv caught in a peepshow booth:––] “You’re addicted to that store. You know, that booth. I had a feeling, though, that you would come back to that place. That was your downfall.”
28. [To a low-down undernourished perp perv caught in a peepshow booth:––] “You’re addicted to that store. You know, that booth. I had a feeling, though, that you would come back to that place. That was your downfall.”
Dog’s afterthoughts: “To affect a change right now, physically, that I saw, that didn’t happen
this time. When you get that age, forty years old, and you’re breaking the law, something I
guess more than Dog the Bounty Hunter picking you up has to traumatize you where you
can change your life.”
29. ANNA (A.K.A. “IRENE”): I don’t want to comply. I’m sick of it.
29. ANNA (A.K.A. “IRENE”): I don’t want to comply. I’m sick of it.
BETH: Anna, listen, at this age we’re not robbing banks, we’re not killing people, right?
Straighten up, the family’s cool.
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